These are trying times for our economy. The money in my 401(k) is going nowhere, my high-yield savings isn’t yielding very high, Bill Gates isn’t the richest in the world, the economy basically evaporated…
What’s a person to do?!?
I propose seven ways for you to get rich quick!
Stock speculation – We all know money can be made on the stock market. You just have to invest in the right companies. Find lots of small companies that look good. Big companies weren’t always big – they started small. Find an emerging industry and invest there. Surely professional companies will grow and as they do so will your stock price. Check this out – as recent as 2003 stocks returned over 28%!!
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Buy property and flip it – Rates have dropped. Housing prices have dropped. Now is the time to start reaping the rewards of of the housing bubble burst! Do you own a home now? Leverage that home with a home equity loan and buy up what properties you can. Housing prices will go up again and you will see the green!
Insider trading - We all know someone on Wall Street in the stock market today, don’t we? Think they keep everything secret? Why do you think they are rich? Next time you run into one of your Wall Street buds hit him up for some tips. These guys work with stocks all day so they know where they are moving. Maybe they can tell you the best trades in penny stocks (those always seem to go up, right?). Use those tips and buy what you can!
Gambling - Ever played blackjack? Craps? These games have some of the best odds in the casino! You can learn all sorts of different playing strategies online to help you win. Heck, there’s even a movie about some MIT students who beat the casinos with blackjack. Go get to the casinos before everyone sees the movie and has the same idea!
Blog - Anyone can blog. Really. Look at me, I’m no Dostoevsky and you’re reading this. There are so many ways you can make money with a blog. Just throw some ads on your site, write some posts, and voila! Instant cash! Make sure to link back to me when you start up!
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Tax return – List anything you can as a deduction. We can all find some way to justify an expense. The more you put the better. The money you donated to the orphanage? That’s like having a whole bunch of dependents to declare! Get your tax return to the point where the government is giving you back a huge return. When the money comes in you can try the other six tips here. Oh, don’t have your accountant do it. Do it yourself. You know what your deductions are.
Win the lottery - Someone has to win. Yes the odds are bad. But every ticket you get improves those odds. What if you took your tax refund or stimulus check and bought lottery tickets? There’s bound to be a winner in there.
What’s that?………Hold on one sec……uh-huh…ok.
My lawyer and accountant just barged in on me. They’re telling me I might have gotten a few facts wrong.
Umm, lets see…stock speculation’s not a great idea. Speculation without real research is actually closer to gambling than investing. But I like gambling! Cross off gambling too. Something about if it were so easy to do well with it then everyone would do it. And that casinos have the best odds in the long run. And those MIT kids were an exception that didn’t last. Remember those 2003 returns? Here are the returns for the three years before 2003: 2000 -9.03%, 2001 -11.85%, 2002 -21.98%. Ohh. Past returns do not guarantee future returns. And lots of small companies fail or never make the successful leap to become a large corporation.
On the same note, there’s no telling where the bottom is in the housing market. Many thought it would never drop and here we are. Buying now could be ok if you’re looking to buy your own house but otherwise you’re back to speculating. Leveraging what you own could be a sure-fire way to end up foreclosed.
My lawyer mentioned that insider trading is illegal. Ouch. Ok, don’t do that! My accountant chimed in saying that just because someone trades a stock it doesn’t mean they research the fundamentals of any of the companies they trade. That’s good to know. So watch out for any stock tips too. Do your own research!
I just checked my advertiser accounts for this blog. There’s a few cents in there but nothing to live off of. I might have jumped the gun saying that a blog was instant cash. You can make money with a blog but I guess it takes persistence and hard work and even then it could fail. Nope, not a way to get rich quick.
That looks funny! My accountant and lawyer are jumping up and down pointing to Tax Return. Wha? oh. They are highly against putting anything fraudulent on your tax return. There’s this thing called an audit which is not something you want to go through. Make sure your return is correct and if you have questions seek out a professional accountant. Otherwise, you can find yourself with a whole bunch of income tax problems that need a team of tax attorneys.
Can I keep my lottery tickets at least? I can? Oh, but odds are I’m just giving money to the state? Even though someone wins the odds are very much against winning. Better off saving the money.
Oh well… There really aren’t good ways to get rich quick. I tried. We’ll all have to work hard, be frugal-minded, and stay disciplined.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
When I saw this post, I thought Ha! April Fools Day but I’m wondering, did you get a ton of hits on this post? This is probably what a gazillion people are searching for online…
I have to say, kudos on an awesome post. It’s a very entertaining read!
Reality on Insider Trading: Hot tips and claims of inside information are usually yesterday’s news. “A friend of a friend who is the manicurist for the wife of the CEO of General Motors (GM) said to buy Blimpy-Whimpy, X.P.S, right now. Big developments are on the way.” Unfortunately, unless you work at a high level industry, by the time you or anyone you know has gotten an accurate hot tip, it’s history. Leaving aside the laws against insider trading, ask yourself this: Why would anybody who really knew something share it with anyone else?
LOL!
Thanks for the laugh –
I needed that.
But it’s also a great post since many a truth is said in jest!
Very funny! Oh, I think you missed one…
Go into a bank and ask for all their money…
can you check if your accountant and lawyer approve of this method?
@ Nicole – I’ve gotten some visitors…though a lot came because the post was commented on at the MSN Smart Spending Blog (http://blogs.moneycentral.msn.com/smartspending/archive/2008/04/01/7-schemes-to-get-rich-quick.aspx?CommentPosted=true#commentmessage )
@ Foxie – I’m glad you enjoyed it!
@ Personal Finance Management Guide – Those are great points about insider trading. Basically, why is someone giving me something for free?
@ Joe – Happy I could give you a laugh!
@ Cassie – You can go to the bank and ask, just don’t demand anything or look threatening then they might think you’re trying to rob them! It’s funny but my original draft had rob a bank as an option but I thought it would be too much of a giveaway that I wasn’t serious about my tips.
“Oh well… There really aren’t good ways to get rich quick. I tried. We’ll all have to work hard, be frugal-minded, and stay disciplined.”
But if you don’t know _what_ sort of hard work to do — like I don’t, for example, you could easily waste all your effort. So then that begs the question of: What sort of hard work should one do? And that’s where I’m stuck. I really would like to make some more money, as I don’t have a lot of money, and if I have to work to do it, fine, but remember: if you throw your whole little heart and soul into the wrong thing working away so hard at it you’ll just be wasting yourself. The trick therefore is that KNOWLEDGE of where to spend the effort. So where is that?
Another great site with excellent tips! But for me the easiest way to make money is not spend the stuff you do get. Pennies you find in the parking lot, allowance if you get any, pack a lunch and put your lunch money all away into a box with a lock on it, and give the key to someone else if you don’t trust yourself to not spend it.
This guy is from Nigeria and wants to scam as much money out of people as he can. Can you give him some advice?
Although the rest of this blog is fantastic – I admittedly don’t care for this post. Although it is well written and comedic – the truth is that there IS money to be made in this market, as long as you remove the word QUICK from your post title! Bad economic times are a boon for prudent and shrewd investors with patience. If you invest in real estate today, you’ll be taking advantage of some great prices. Be smart and put a ton of money down, and be sure that the investment is low risk given your tenants. Buying stocks today, not speculating, but investing in good companies with unfair prices will surely pay out loads in the distant future. As far as blogging goes… my blog pays for a lifetime of chewing gum and Hershey Kisses at retail prices.
Or – we could just lie on our tax return again.
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@ IP – well that’s the key isn’t it? Too many think that stocks are this vehicle for quick riches but in reality it takes time and research in order to do well. And with real estate you’re right about prices and a good down payment. But like stocks too many thought just buying some property would make then rich and instead leveraged themselves to the point of foreclosure. Gum and chocolate works as payment. That’s about right!
THIS IS THE MOST IDIOTIC THING I HAVE EVER READ!! GAMBLING WILL MAKE YOU LOSE MONEY, UNLESS FOR SOME REASON YOU GET LUCKY, WHICH IS UNLIKELY. A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE BROKE BECAUSE THEY LOST ALL THERE MONEY GAMBLING. AND WINNING THE LOTTERY?? YOU HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF GETTING HIT BY LIGHTNING AT YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW THEN WINNING THE LOTTERY. SERIOUSLY BE LOGICAL. READING THAT CRAP WAS A WASTE OF MY TIME, AND WHOEVER WROTE IT, YOU ARE A MORON
@ Wil – Wow. I appreciate your opinion and I certainly have my dimwit days, but did you read the entire article? It sounds like you got to the middle and stopped. You kinda missed the whole point of it I think.
Interesting stuff – was it an April Fool’s article, or just a general joke/fun article? As I was reading it I was thinking whoa…. what’s happened to FFB here…!
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I almost didn’t read the entire article as well – not because I didn’t want to, but when my eyes registered that there was an advertisement and I knew that I had read 7 schemes… I figured that was it and was planning to click away.
I’m glad I caught myself and found the explication that followed the break. Funny stuff. Well done!
Glad you kept reading!
An interesting idea. I guess it depends how good your template and advert positioning is. However as long as you target a keyword for each blog post (or whatever), then chances are you will get targetted visitors and hopefully targetted advertisers.
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You likely will never get rich working a JOB for someone else. So I propose starting your own business or being self employed.
Oh, being rich is not a good goal to have. It’s not a Godly goal. Now if your goal is to be the best widget salesman on the east coast and you become wealthy in achieving that goal, then fine. But saying your goal is to “be rich”, that’s a bad idea.
My favorite would have to be: win the lottery…having said that, I agree it’s not likely to get rich by working for someone else, although starting your own business could be very risky.
If you’re not willing to take risks you’ll probably never get rich, so there’s really no easy way to make a lot of money in a short time.
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Bwahahaha……………very clever, I can pickup my jaw which dropped to the floor as I read.
Almost made me discredit you.
After finding you by searching for some articles about how tax withholdings are bad, which I did post some links to. Thanks for the laugh, I bookmarked you.
Well, I for one am glad you do not write like Dostoevsky. He was great writer and all, but entertaining he was not.
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I hope that means I’m at least entertaining?
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Just stumbled onto your website through a link and saw this article featured in the sidebar. I know you can’t get rich quick, but I wanted to see what kind of angle you had, just for fun. And it was fun reading. Okay, so I’ve had my fun. Now I have to get off the computer and roll up my sleeves for some of that good old fashioned hard work and discipline.
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Hey was just checking out your blog and you have some amazing content. We will be sure to come back visit on regular basis. Making sure werss you so can stay up to date when you post new content. Me and family are on 3 year trip around the world feel free come check us out as well.
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