As of this week I am officially a stay-at-home-dad. No, I wasn’t fired. See, my wife is returning to work but we’re not ready to put our newborn daughter into daycare yet (she’s barely two months old). Since she’s under a year old I have time remaining to take to spend with her under the Family and Medical Leave Act. Under the act I’m entitled to up to twelve weeks off. When our daughter was born I only took a couple weeks so I’m taking the remaining time now to watch her and my son (our oldest too but she’ll be in school most of the day).
Technically we’re a two-income family but we’ll be back to one-income before long. My company counts my vacation days towards the leave so my paycheck will continue for a little while longer. Once that ends we’ll be back to one income until my leave ends.
Unfortunately money drives life decisions. It would be nice if it weren’t that way but it’s the way it is. Having two full incomes would be great and would help us move into a house much easier. At the same time we believe our children would be better off having one of their parents home to watch over and care for them. The Family and Medical Leave Act allows us to have a parent home at least for a little longer. Money drives decisions but quality of life plays into the decisions as well.
Why switch roles at all? If you recall we were already running our household under one income. My wife had been on a childcare leave the past school year. We were not only living but actually making it on my salary alone. We had expected to eat into our savings but we’ve managed to get by and even save some on my pay. But my wife actually makes more than me. She makes enough more to justify her going back to work even. It’s a tough decision for us but in the long run it means that we will be better off financially and our dream of owning a home will be that much easier to realize. My being able to take a leave helps ease the transition for us. On top of that there was a good chance that my wife might have to change work locations if she remained on a leave much longer. That also helped to make our decision.
So I’m Mr Mom now. Don’t think I get off easy either! These past couple of days have been hectic. Staying on top of a toddler and newborn is a LOT of work. When my daughter is awake basically anything I do is with one arm as she’s in the other. There are times when she’ll nap or sit in the swing for a bit but they aren’t very large blocks. And in those small blocks I have to make sure my son (toddler) is taken care of. Later in the day I have to get the kids prepared to go out to pick up our oldest. I give my wife a ton of credit for staying on top of everything all this time. Work at my job is easy most days compared to the past couple taking care of the kids. But I’m getting the hang of it and it’s been fun too. It’s great being able to bond with my daughter and see her smile and coo. Ditto for my son (he’s past the coo stage though).
This will be an interesting couple of months to say the least. It’s a huge change for the family. It will be the longest I’ve ever been out of an “official” job since I was 16. But we think it’s the best for our family right now. It’s exciting too to push myself outside of my routine that I’ve built over the years. We hope in the end it pays off.
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I feel you homie… Well, on a slightly less of a scale kid wise, but on more of a scale for length wise. I’m not sure which is worse, lol.
It’s tough, very tough. It’s a love/hate relationship for me (as I guess it is for stay-at-home moms, too). Been eye-opening.
Awesome to see that you are willing to do this, though. Let us know how it goes!
.-= Baker´s last blog ..Tyler Durden’s Guide To Personal Finance =-.
It’s definitely been a new experience for me!
My husband was the primary caregiver for our son for about 18 months. I was done with school, and had a job, while he was finishing his undergrad. We then decided that I should take the chance at a professional master’s program to help me become a work at home mom. My husband had a tough go (but now I’m the primary caregiver and the primary breadwinner while he finishes his Ph.D.), but he says it was good for him, and that he appreciates me more because of it. He maintains that every man should spend time as a primary caregiver. But, in the end, you have to do what is best for you and your family. Kudos to you for manning up to the fact that maybe what’s best for now is you staying home!
.-= Miranda´s last blog ..Saturday Staples: Personal Finance Reading =-.
I think your husband has a point! Every guy who works should walk in the stay at home mom’s shoes for a bit. This totally gives me a new appreciation for how much my wife did (and still does). Kids are not easy, at least not when they are young.
As for manning up, it is about doing whats best for the family!
The decision to go back to a two income family is a difficult. My wife and I struggled with this very thing, until we finally decided that she would stay home full time, and that we could survive on one income. Some months I wondered how we would get by, but the Lord has always provided for us somehow.
Enjoy staying at home with your daughter for as long as you can. It is a special time!
.-= Dusty´s last blog ..Passive Income Update: Performance Review =-.
It is a difficult decision. What makes it easier is my wife knowing I’ll be taking care of the kids for some time. I will definitely appreciate and enjoy my time with them.
FFB,
Sounds like an experience which is rough now, but 5 years from now when you are looking at your old posts, you are going to say, “Wow, Glad I did it.”
.-= My Journey´s last blog ..What Does it Take to Get to a Million Dollars? =-.
We’re hoping that is the case. We know we’re fortunate enough to be able to have two breadwinners who could save enough so that I could take the time without being behind on bills. And still, going back to two incomes can put us in a great position financially down the road.
Congrats on the new little one, and good luck! I know it’s a bit of a role-reversal in the traditional sense. It is awesome that you planned ahead financially to make this an easier transition for the time you are off from the outside working world.
.-= Jason @ MyMoneyMinute´s last blog ..#046 — “Sin” Taxes: Congress Raises Taxes on Tobacco =-.
If we didn’t have money already saved then this wouldn’t be possible. Another example of what savings can allow you to do.
Wow! What a big decision to make for your family. Now definitely is the worst time to put an infant into daycare. Flu/cold season is just around the corner. Hope you have a great time spending these precious months with your children.
.-= Grace´s last blog ..The grass is always greener =-.
That was a huge consideration for us! When we put our son in day care he was a bit older but was sick like every other week. My wife ended up taking a lot of sick days and spending a lot of time worrying about our son and her job. It just wasn’t worth the stress.
Sounds like a position my husband and I will be in if we’re so blessed with children. I make more than he does, and it wouldn’t make sense for me to stay home. It’s nice that there are men out there who have no problem stepping up to the plate and doing what’s best for their families, instead of falling into “traditional” gender roles. Best of luck and enjoy every minute with your children!
.-= RainyDaySaver´s last blog ..How to shave years off your mortgage =-.
Like I mentioned before, being a man is about doing what’s best, not necessarily being the breadwinner. They are different things these days. Thanks!
Good luck being the primary caregiver for this time. I’m sure, like everyone else says, that you’ll look back on this time and be glad you took time to spend with your kids. Sounds like you made a humbling decision, by letting your wife work for a while.
Yeah, it does feel a little strange telling people I’m taking off to care for the kids. But I’m getting used to it.
This is an interesting choice. I’m a bit confused, though. Is your wife quitting her job once your leave ends?
No. When my leave is up the plan is to use daycare. Our daughter will be 2 months older and it will be a little easier (though not a lot) to have her in daycare. We’ll see how it goes.
I have never been the primary caregiver, but I have spent a long time – for example, a year over the past 18 months – working from home and helping to take care of two kids. It’s not fun, in my opinion. I know it’s anathema to say it, but I love my kids and at the same time get real tired of their poop. It’s a bonding experience, sure, but it’s a trial sometimes.
Hang in there! We all love our kids, and the time spent with them is nice, but it tries patience from time to time… good luck!
Haha, “real tired of their poop.” I’m guessing that’s figurative as well as literal?
It is tough and it’s a complete shift in thought. There have been times where work would e so much easier than the kids. At work I could veg out in from of a report where with the kids I have to always be alert. But there are other times when I don’t want to deal with all the “poop” at work either. Managing a group and dealing with higher ups isn’t always easy and at least I have a bit more control over my kids poop.
Patience has been tried many times so far but I’m hanging in there!
Congrats! My Dad was my primary caregiver for much of my childhood, because his job was much more flexible than my mom’s. He had it easier than you, because I am an only child!
Nonetheless, I am closer to him than most people I know to their Dads, especially that generation (my Dad is a boomer). I consider it a real priviledge that I am not one of those kids who only saw their Dad on weekends.
So much brain development happens in the first three years of a kids life – the more high-quality attention they can get, the better. Good for you!!!
Sounds like you had a great experience growing up with your dad around. Reminds me of some times I’ve come home from work either too late to play or too tired.
And we think you are right – high-quality attention is real important for a child’s development.
I cherish every second I get to spend with my newborn and toddler. They are such a joy to have around and really brighten my day, so I envy you.
I have had the chance to work from home and run my own business in the past and I know watching the kids is definitely taxing especially if you are used to being out working but I would trade places with my wife in a second..at least for a while
.-= Jesse´s last blog ..Happy Meals and Weed =-.
Thank you everyone for the great comments and support!
The kids can be taxing but it’s great fun. Today’s adventure was bringing my toddler and infant to a 2-hour daycare for my son and staying close while he gets used to it all while minding my daughter. To say it’s a handful wouldn’t be enough!
That’s great you are able to stay home. I think it’s easier to go to work than it is to stay home. I know cause I recently got laid off. I stayed home for almost 2 years when my daughter was first born and we sacrificed a lot for me to do it. I went back to work before she turned 2 and now she’s almost 5. I’d have to say it’s easier to stay home with an infant. Once you have a toddler or multiple kids, it’s definitely easier to go to work. LOL
I’m at the point in my life that I rather stay home (esp now that I have no other choice) instead of having daycare raise my kid. I’m pursuing a completely different career now and one that will allow me to work from home.
.-= Saph´s last blog ..Free Carvel Ice Cream =-.
Well, I have both the toddler and infant so there’s no easy place! Haha. It’s been a challenge but it’s well worth it. It’s been so great seeing my daughter smile and hearing her first laughs. It’s also fun seeing how my son tries to help take care of his sister. He’ll mimic things I do with her, it’s so funny and cute.
Hi.. It’s my first time here.. I also grew up with my Dad as Mr. Mom.
I think nowadays you have many work options while being a stay home Dad unlike during my Dad’s era. Honestly, it really pays off to have one parent at home to take care of the kids…
.-= Beggar in the Suit´s last blog ..Why beggar in the suit? =-.
The times they are a-changin’ aren’t they? And it’s a good thing!
I hear you – my wife is on it too. We had Millie 3 weeks ago and she’s actually been a pretty good sleeper so far. But I was actually talking to her this morning about the fact that the FMLA is a protective cover, but it’s *always* possible the company you’re going back to could let you go for some other reason. They’ll just claim it wasn’t in response to the 3 months of leave you just took. I dunno, hopefully I’m just playing devils advocate because everywhere you read these days is in regards to people losing jobs and unemployment skyrocketing – just trying to cover my bases…
.-= andy´s last blog ..Begging Kids in Mumbai, India – 2003 =-.
Congrats!
It’s true, if a company wants you out they will find a way. But they better have a good excuse otherwise they will face a lawsuit. But they can still find other ways to make you uncomfortable. We considered this in our decision. I’ve been with my company for years and have never had a bad review. So far as I can tell they aren’t filling my position in the interim and they fully expect me to come back. There could be some cold shoulder when I come back but it’s a chance we’re willing to take.
Congrats. I took 9 months “off” when my daughter was born. I was/am an independent contractor, had been saving vigorously for years (b/c of the obvious feast and famine of my work, and there was a nice long feast just prior to her birth, so could luckily afford it). It really was a fantastic experience, became even closer to my 4 year old son during the stretch (and my wife, who was already a stay at home mom who worked from home part time) .
This experience made me realize that I need change like this from time to time and there is no law that I can’t have it. Led me to really looking at what is important in my life, how little some people get by on, how unlikely that a house ‘upgrade’ would actually give me better neighbors than I already have with my “starter” home, and finally increasing my savings rate (when I do work) to well over 50%. Fringe benefit of this is that it greatly reduces stress during the unplanned down times (I call these times “vacation” now instead of “unemployment”). Of course, all this works only because my wife was already quite frugal, and whose friends family and children are the only assets she values.
That sounds awesome! When we scale back our lives we really see what we need and what is fluff. You learn to spend more time on the thing that are important (like family) and less on acquiring things that just clutter your life.
Glad to hear about your experiences!
I offered my wife the opportunity to go back to work and I would be a stay at home Dad. Out little one is 12 weeks old now, and I am incredibly thankful she didn’t take me up on the offer. I don’t think I would have been able to do it. The first couple months our little girl was colicky, which made life difficult for all of us.
Thankfully, our daughter is much better now, with more limited periods of fussiness. Experiencing parenthood has given me a new appreciation of mothers and a new found respect for my wife.
That said, I think it’s a great experience, and I know you will learn a lot from this. I think I would like a similar experience too… just once she is out of the infant stage. There are certain things men aren’t equipped to do!
.-= Patrick´s last blog ..Where to Open a Roth IRA Account =-.
Great to hear your daughter is doing better (and you’re probably getting some sleep too!).
For the first few weeks I spent more time with my son to make sure he got attention and to help him adjust. As a result I didn’t get to bond as much with my daughter and she would cry when I held her. If she was always like that then I don’t if I would be able to do this but I’ve been able to bond with her and she’s totally into me now (it goes both ways).
I definitely have a new respect for what my wife did. She’s still way ahead in taking care of the kids. I’m only getting my feet wet. In fact my wife was shocked that I was able to do laundry one day!
They can be a LOT of fun once they can walk and talk some and you can run around a park. You’ll have a ball for sure.
Do you mind sharing how much you make from the blog? I ask b/c if you’re making some decent coin, you’re definitely working yeah?
.-= Financial Samurai´s last blog ..What Renting DVD’s Teaches Us About CD Yield Maximization =-.
Yeah, coin is definitely an appropriate word! I make a bit but certainly not so much as to make up for my salary. And it’s real tough writing when I’m watching the kids.
It’s definitely a big sacrifice to be a stay home dad.
Financially, emotionally and physically taxing to have one parent stay home.
You might opt for some home based job which can generate some side income.
I think that it is great that you will be at home with your newborn:) I had to continue to work but the mother of my beautiful son stayed at home with him for almost two years. Although life may have been easier with two incomes, he is SUPER smart and more secure and confident than I could have imagined. It’s a tough job, but I am sure that you have done a great job. Congrats!
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