Have you ever kept money secrets from your spouse?
Do you have a bank account they don’t know about; maybe a credit card? What about little white lies such as the actual cost of something you bought?
Why do we keep money secrets from our spouses? What do you have to hide?
Here are some of my thoughts why we would keep a money secret:
- Control – Being completely open means you have to explain every expense. Not everyone wants to do that. Some would rather not have to answer for their spending and would rather not be criticized.
- Not wanting to change - If you tend to spend too much then you may not be ready to have someone, especially your spouse, reign you in.
- You’re cheating – Yeah, this is a biggie. Someone cheating on their spouse has an incentive to have a secret credit card or bank account to spend with.
- Shame/Embarrassment – Some people have bad money pasts. Maybe you made some unwise mistakes like racking up too much credit card debt. Maybe you don’t want your spouse to know you were bad with money thinking it’s a reflection of who you are.
- Scared of reaction – The damage is done. But you’re not sure what your spouse will do or say if they found out about your money secret. Will they leave? Will the relationship be ruined? You think it might be easier to just not tell them.
- Addiction – There are those that have a real addiction to spending. They can’t control themselves and do what they have to to feed the addiction.
- Denial – You don’t even realize that you’re keeping secrets. Or at least won’t admit it to yourself. In you’re reality there are no money secrets.
I think you need to be honest with your spouse.
Here are some reasons you need to be honest with your spouse about your money issues:
- Commitment – Marriage is a commitment. You make a pledge to be part of a union with another person. When you keep secrets you prevent this union from being. Sharing finances is part of the union.
- A secret is a lie – Lies affect the trust between you and your spouse. You also open the door to lie about other things as well.
- Your spouse is there for you – Your spouse is the column that’s there to hold you up when you have a problem. If your money issue is hurting you then enlist the help of your spouse and tackle the problem together. Your spouse fell for you for who you are in totality and that includes your flaws.
- Intimacy – How close can you really be if you are keeping secrets? You may not realize it but the secrets you keep could be affecting your intimacy with your spouse. You know what the two biggest reasons for divorce are? Money and sex. When your intimacy is affected… well you understand.
- It’s childish - If you’re keeping secrets because you don’t want to be told what to do then that’s childish. Fess up to your spouse and be an adult.
- Communication – Secrets prevent open communication.
- Kids – Your children see more than you think. They see how you treat money and this becomes their education. What are you teaching your kids?